How to Communicate Empathy in Counselling (Without Just Repeating Everything Back)

If you're training in counselling skills, you've probably heard the word "empathy" more times than you can count. But here's the thing: most Level 2 students struggle with what empathy actually means in practice - and more importantly, how to communicate empathy authentically.

The challenge? Many people arrive on a CPCAB Level 2 course thinking empathy is automatic and natural. "I'm an empathic person," they say. "I empathise with people all the time." But empathy in counselling is far more nuanced than we initially think, and it's rarely as simple as saying "I understand" or parroting back what someone has just told us.

Let's explore what empathy really means, why it's so much more than words, and how you can develop more authentic empathic understanding in your practice.

Common Mistakes Level 2 Counselling Students Make

One of the biggest struggles around empathy is the tendency to think it's just about the words you say. Students often believe that if they can master certain phrases - "I hear you," "that must be really hard," "I can see you're struggling" - then they're being empathic.

But here's the reality: these phrases can feel empty. They can sound mechanical. Why? Because empathy isn't a script you follow. It's not a skill you simply apply. Empathy is an attitude.

Another common mistake? Thinking you need to have experienced exactly what the other person is going through. You'll hear students say, "I know exactly what you mean" or "I've been through the exact same thing myself." But the truth is, you haven't. You may have experienced something incredibly similar, but you can never know exactly what that person has gone through. When we make these claims, we're actually blocking off the opportunity for the person's unique experience to be heard. We're projecting our own narrative onto theirs.

Then there are the assumptions, prejudices, and preconceived ideas we all carry. Maybe we don't like particular ways of living. Maybe we have unconscious biases about certain cultures, religions, or lifestyles. These blocks get in the way of genuine empathic connection. And here's the uncomfortable truth: we all make judgements. We're biologically wired to assess for risk and danger. The key isn't to pretend we don't make judgements - it's to become aware of them and recognise how they impact the therapeutic relationship.

What Empathy Actually Is

So if empathy isn't about perfect phrases or shared experiences, what is it?

Empathy is a way of connecting with another person's unique experience—not through our lens or our filters, but through theirs.

Carl Rogers spoke about stepping into the other person's shoes. But it's not just about stepping into them. What does it feel like to be in them? What's the condition of the shoes? What's the material? How old are they? What might it be like to walk around in those shoes? That's empathy; investing genuine curiosity and interest in the other person's lived experience, exactly as it is for them.

Let's be clear about the difference between empathy and sympathy, because this distinction matters:

Sympathy is acknowledging that someone is going through something, but keeping yourself separate from it. It's recognising their distress from a distance. You might say, "That looks really difficult. Never mind, cheer up - things could be worse." These phrases might come from good intentions, but they disconnect rather than connect.

Empathy is moving alongside the person. It's saying, "I'm here with you. I understand it's lonely." It's about holding space for their distress without trying to fix it, minimise it, or distance yourself from it.

Here's what empathy requires: setting aside judgement and making the other person's experience the priority. Not comparing it to your own. Not correcting it. Not rushing past it. Simply offering your presence so they feel heard and understood.

And crucially, empathy isn't conditional. It's not something you only offer when someone expresses feelings clearly. If someone stays narrative-driven and story-focused, that's okay too. That may be the best they can do right now. That may be as far as they want to go. Empathy means respecting whatever they're showing you, recognising that this is their process.

How to Communicate Empathy More Authentically

So what actually works when you're sitting with someone? Here are some practical considerations - not instructions, but things to think about:

Start with Attitude, Not Technique

Before you say a single word, recognise the journey that person has taken to be there with you. They may have been struggling for months, even years. Reaching out for help can bring up shame, embarrassment, and vulnerability. The fact that they're sitting with you is phenomenal. It should be prized and respected.

When you start from this place of recognising what it takes for someone to ask for help, empathy flows naturally. You're not performing empathy - you're genuinely honouring their courage.

Pace Matters

Avoid rushing through what you want to say. A calm, unhurried delivery communicates that you value this person and their time with you. There's no rush. You don't have to get through things quickly. This pacing, this sense of spaciousness, is part of empathic communication.

Contracting Sets the Tone

How you begin a session matters. Contracting isn't just setting out rules - it's defining the space as important, and by extension, defining the person as important. When you take time with the contracting process and don't rush through it, you're communicating: what you're going through matters. You matter.

It's More Than Words

Empathy is communicated through your attention - really looking at the person (not staring, but being present). It's in your body language, your posture, the way you lean in or create space. It's in how you notice when someone looks away, hunches their shoulders, or changes their breathing.

All of this matters. You're connecting with as many senses as you can to understand the other person's experience.

Match Their Pace

If someone is staying in narrative mode, telling the story without diving into feelings, don't immediately push them toward emotions. Match where they are. That narrative might be what feels safe right now. If after several sessions they're still staying on the surface, then yes, you can gently invite them deeper: "I hear how much you're sharing about the story. I'm curious; what's it like for you to go through all this? How does it feel?"

But if they decline that invitation, that's okay too. You stay with them. Empathy means following their agenda, not imposing yours.

When You Don't Feel Anything

Here's a fascinating one: what if you're really trying to tune in, but you're not feeling anything? Don't judge yourself. It might be information. Perhaps that's exactly what the client is experiencing: disconnection from their feelings. You might even name it: "I hear you talking, but I'm noticing I'm not feeling much right now. I wonder if that's how you are too, able to tell the story, but separated from the feelings?"

That's empathy in action - using your own experience as valuable feedback.

The Deeper Truth About Empathy

If we distil empathy down to something almost poetic: empathy is love. Not romantic love, but a profound respect for another human being. A belief that they are deserving of being heard exactly as they are.

Empathy, unconditional positive regard, and respect - these are all connected. They speak to the heart of what counselling is about. This is more than learning skills and phrases. This is about your attitude, your perception of our shared humanness.

Yes, you'll learn skills. You'll learn phrases. But those are garnish. The real work is internal - the part of you that's willing to release judgement, to believe in these qualities of the other person, to hold these attitudes toward them. That's where empathy lives.

A Final Word for Level 2 Students

One of the beautiful things about CPCAB Level 2 is that it's the safest space you can practice in before you're qualified. You get the chance to try things, make mistakes, get feedback, and learn. This isn't about getting it right all the time. It's about developing awareness - of yourself, of others, of how you show up in the helping relationship.

Empathy isn't something you perfect. It's something you commit to, again and again. It's the ongoing work of recognising your assumptions, your blocks, your prejudices, and moving them aside so you can truly meet another person in their experience.

That's the journey. And if you're willing to engage with it at this level, there's so much richness available to you. You can dig deeper. You can connect with a deeper sense of self. And in doing so, you become someone who can truly hold space for others.

Ready to Deepen Your Counselling Skills?

If you're currently training in CPCAB Level 2 and finding yourself grappling with concepts like empathy, boundaries, and self-awareness, you're in the right place. These challenges are part of the journey - and they're exactly what prepares you for deeper therapeutic work.

When you're ready to progress to CPCAB Level 3, where you'll develop these skills further in a supported, reflective environment, we'd love to support your journey. Our approach values the attitudinal qualities that underpin great counselling, not just the techniques.

Explore our CPCAB Level 3 in Counselling Studies