What Confidentiality Really Means in Counselling (And When You Have to Break It)
- Ben Jackson
- Nov 18
- 9 min read
If you're training in counselling skills, confidentiality is probably one of the topics that keeps you awake at night. What if someone tells you something terrible? What if you miss something important? What if you get it wrong and someone gets hurt?
These anxieties are completely natural - and they're exactly what we need to talk about. Because the truth is, most Level 2 students misunderstand confidentiality in ways that can actually get in the way of good therapeutic work. As we discussed in our post about empathy, it's important to look beyond the surface and what could be happening for us in these moments.
Let's explore what confidentiality really means, when it genuinely needs to be broken, and how to have these conversations with the people you're working with.
The Anxiety Around Confidentiality
Here's what typically happens: students arrive on a CPCAB Level 2 course with a kind of nervous vigilance about confidentiality. They set a very low bar for what might constitute a reason to break it. The minute anything sounds worrying, concerning, or potentially harmful - even broadly speculative - there's a knee-jerk reaction: "I need to tell someone. This is bad. I must share this straight away."
It's as if students believe they're the police, or a crisis hotline, and that action must be taken the moment something difficult is disclosed. There's this urgency to do something meaningful and appropriate and supportive. And underneath all of that is a palpable anxiety: What if I neglect something the person said and they go and carry out a particular act? Will I be responsible?
This anxiety comes from a good place - a genuine desire to help. But here's the critical question we need to ask: Who are we actually trying to help?
If we're unable to hold what the client has just shared with us, are we trying to help them? Or are we trying to alleviate our own discomfort about what we've heard and how we feel about it?
This is one of the most important pieces of self-awareness work in counselling training: recognising what is ours and what is not ours. Understanding where we learned to take responsibility for others' choices. Who modelled that behaviour for us? Who told us that someone else's decisions are our fault, our responsibility, something we need to pick up and deal with?
Throughout CPCAB Level 2 and Level 3, we gradually learn to take responsibility for what is ours and step away from taking responsibility for what is not ours. The space we leave is for the client to take up their own responsibility for what they're deciding, thinking, feeling, or doing.
What Confidentiality Actually Is
So if confidentiality isn't about rushing to action every time something difficult is shared, what is it?
Confidentiality is the definition of a sacred space.
It's an invitation for the individual to share whatever they wish, whatever is on their mind, with the understanding - the promise - that it doesn't go anywhere else.
Let's dwell on that for a moment. What would it be like to go into a space where you could share everything about yourself? Where there is no judgement, no repercussions. Where all your thoughts, ideas, and feelings are recognised as valid and recognised as being your truths. What kind of space would that be for you?
That speaks to the sacredness of confidentiality. How important it is to embody that attitude as a counsellor for our clients. Not just as a matter of the ethical framework we adhere to, but as a matter of respect for the individual, for their autonomy, and for their agency.
Confidentiality is about being non-judgemental, listening openly with curiosity and interest to what the other person is going through. That is so important to hold onto when we think about confidentiality.
When Confidentiality Needs to Be Revisited
So when does confidentiality actually need to be broken?
As counsellors in training or qualified practitioners, we go through a process of understanding at what point we find we may need to engage with additional support. We face ethical dilemmas, and that's what training is for - to look at those considerations and understand how we might deal with them.
Here's what's important: when we encounter a topic or conversation that concerns us, the first step isn't to rush to action. The first step is to look at our own process around that.
If You're Qualified: Speak to Your Supervisor First
If you're a qualified counsellor and you have concerns about something a client has shared, your first step is to speak to your supervisor. Discuss what was shared, get their additional support on what ways, if any, need to be managed. Even if the risk isn't immediate, your supervisor is a great first step—a sanity check on the situation and the feelings you're going through.
If There's Immediate Risk: Collaborate with the Client
If the information coming from the client indicates immediate and severe risk to self, here's an approach I find favourable:
Ask the client: "What would you like me to do with that information?"
At this point, we're still collaborating together with that information. We're working to see how we might use it to better understand it. We discuss with the client what they might want to do with it, how we might support them.
Here's what's worth highlighting: even the disclosing of something doesn't translate into action. Just because we're talking about something that involves concern or risk doesn't mean it will multiply and become action. Typically, those who are discussing these issues value being heard, being seen, and being understood more than anything else.
The challenge - and the invitation - is to stay with someone going through difficulties. To recognise that they're trusting you with something precious. It's not for us to gather up and run away with, particularly if that's not been requested by the client.
The Challenge of Respect
This brings us to one of the most difficult aspects of confidentiality: respecting the individual's choice, autonomy, and free will - even when we disagree or would like to counter their beliefs.
Above all, it's about respect for their choices rather than imposing our own belief systems, morals, and principles on them. Allowing them the freedom to speak as they wish, to speak freely.
That's not something that comes easily. It's not something we're naturally geared towards. That's why it takes years of practice, of self-discovery, of self-awareness, of working with clients to better understand ourselves. Recognising that our imposition on others is not necessary. That we have the chance to offer a way of collaborating with someone, even at their darkest times.
How to Talk About Confidentiality
So how should you actually introduce and discuss confidentiality? Here's what works:
Start with Clarity
Clearly explain what you believe confidentiality is. Not what you think other people think it is, but what you genuinely understand it to mean. Explain what the steps would be if confidentiality had to be broken, so the person feels informed about the choices involved.
Invite Questions and Contribution
Allow them to ask questions. What do they understand about confidentiality? What does it mean to them? Maybe they have concerns about what they want to share that might hold them back from being completely honest or open.
This is crucial, particularly as a person-centred counsellor: invite the client to contribute to the contract, to contribute to confidentiality. Not because you're going to give them a templated version of what you think it is, but one that you both collectively work together to understand and define.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Watch out for:
Being too vague or skipping past it quickly
Over-promising absolute confidentiality when there are limits
Using hierarchical language like "I'll take it to my superior" (this can cause people to diminish themselves and shut down)
Doing all the talking (remember: the more we talk, the less therapeutic work happens)
What to Say When They Ask: "So You're Going to Tell People What I Say?"
This is a common concern. Emphasise that this isn't the intention behind sessions or what counselling is. Walk them through their understanding. Hear what they believe confidentiality means. Involve them in what they feel is worth sharing or not.
The process is collaborative, not dictatorial.
Understanding Your Limits
For students at Level 2, your limits may be around hearing someone express harm to themselves. If you're practicing with a peer and they share something that feels outside your ability to hold safely, it's appropriate to say: "I think I may need to take this to my tutor and have a conversation, because this feels outside my ability to hold this space safely." And there are differing limits between the role of helper compared to counsellor, as discussed previously.
That's not breaking confidentiality inappropriately - that's recognising your limits and seeking appropriate support. And importantly, you can have that conversation with the person, not behind their back.
Confidentiality Is Fluid
Remember: this is a living situation with another human being. Confidentiality may need to be revisited and discussed again throughout the therapeutic work. Like all contracts, these are fluid and flexible and require re-evaluation.
The Impact on the Relationship
One final, crucial point: when we talk about the implications of breaking confidentiality, we need to think not just about what happens to the individual as a consequence of their disclosure, but about the implications on the working relationship, the therapeutic relationship with the client.
There may be questions, ruptures, maybe even damage to the relationship if it's not handled appropriately, respectfully, and collaboratively.
A student counsellor can often fall into the trap of believing they're doing the right thing by the client, but accidentally may find they're actually harming the relationship and the possibilities for real therapeutic change.
The Sacred Space
So here's what confidentiality comes down to: it's more than just keeping something secret. It's a sacred space for counsellor and client to experience and hold difficult material without needing to share it.
It's recognising that there's a process in place where, if needed, something could be shared - but even then, it's a process that involves the client as much as possible, to maintain their agency, their autonomy, and to respect the actual counselling space.
A Final Word for Level 2 Students
Your anxiety about getting confidentiality wrong is understandable. Your desire to help is admirable. But the most helpful thing you can do is learn to sit with discomfort, to trust the process, to involve your client in decisions, and to recognise what is yours to carry and what is not.
That's the real work of becoming a counsellor. And it's work that continues throughout your entire career.
Ready to Progress Your Counselling Training?
If you're currently navigating the complexities of CPCAB Level 2 - grappling with confidentiality, boundaries, and the ethical dilemmas of the helping relationship - you're doing exactly the right work. These challenges are what prepare you for deeper therapeutic practice.
When you're ready to progress to CPCAB Level 3, where you'll develop these skills further in supervised practice with real clients, we'd love to support your journey. Our approach values the collaborative, respectful, person-centred practice that honours both counsellor and client.
The School of Counselling is a CPCAB-approved training centre based in Oxfordshire. We specialise in person-centred counselling training, supporting students through their journey from Level 2 through to qualified practice. Our experienced tutors understand the real challenges of counselling training because we've been there ourselves - and we're committed to creating a supportive, reflective learning environment where you can develop both your skills and your self-awareness.
Whether you're just starting out or ready to progress to Level 3, we're here to support your journey with high-quality training that values the attitudinal qualities that underpin great counselling work.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does confidentiality mean in counselling?
Confidentiality in counselling means creating a sacred space where clients can share whatever is on their mind with the understanding that it won't go anywhere else. It's about offering a non-judgemental space where their thoughts, feelings, and experiences are recognised as valid and kept private, within clearly defined limits.
When do counsellors have to break confidentiality?
Counsellors may need to break confidentiality when there is immediate and severe risk to the client or others, or in safeguarding situations. However, best practice involves collaborating with the client wherever possible, asking "What would you like me to do with this information?" and involving them in the process rather than acting unilaterally.
How should I explain confidentiality to clients?
Explain confidentiality clearly and invite the client to contribute to the conversation. Ask what they understand by confidentiality, what concerns they might have, and work together to define what it means in your work together. Avoid vague language or hierarchical terms, and make it a collaborative agreement rather than a set of rules.
What if I'm not sure whether to break confidentiality?
If you're uncertain, your first step should be to speak with your supervisor (if qualified) or your tutor (if in training). Don't act immediately out of anxiety. Use supervision to sanity-check the situation and understand your own feelings about what you've heard. The client's safety is important, but so is maintaining the therapeutic relationship through respectful, collaborative decision-making.
Can confidentiality be revisited during counselling?
Yes, absolutely. Confidentiality is not a one-time conversation. It's a living agreement that may need to be discussed again as the therapeutic work develops. If something changes or new concerns arise, it's entirely appropriate to revisit the conversation with your client about what confidentiality means in that moment.
