Why Does Counselling Training Feel Uncomfortable?
Counselling training feels uncomfortable because discomfort sits at the centre of counselling itself. Your clients will bring distress, difficult disclosures and raw emotion into the room, and your job is to stay with them through it. If you're unable to stay with your own discomfort, you will struggle to stay with a client's, so the training asks you to practise on yourself first.
How discomfort shows up in a training group
When discomfort enters a training group, most people notice it through defence. Defensiveness is a worn-out word, so here is what I mean by it. Someone moves the conversation on. Someone ignores the moment. Someone tries to placate or soothe, to ease the moment for everyone. Someone feels hurt and pushes back, and anxiety takes over. Each response protects the person from the feeling.
The response people practise least is sitting with the discomfort and asking what it's communicating. The usual instinct treats discomfort as a problem to solve: avoid it, push it away, replace it with something else. The urge to get rid of it often points back to how your family dealt with discomfort, and to the conditions of worth you picked up along the way.
What sitting with discomfort looks like
When a student sits with discomfort, the first thing you notice is what's missing. There's no aggression. The student isn't directing anger or upset at another person, the group, the course or the process. They turn inward instead.
The best word for what replaces blame is curiosity. The student pauses, checks in with how they feel, and asks what the discomfort is pointing to. I wouldn't call them at ease, because they're still uncomfortable. There's a calmness about them, though, as they stay inside the feeling.
Two things drop away when this happens. Blame towards external sources fades, because the student recognises the discomfort as their own internal process. Guilt, which often travels with blame, becomes far less evident too. What's left is a person paying attention to their own experience, and the learning sits there.
Where the real work happens
You won't always see this work in a lesson. When a trainee meets discomfort with a client, the handling mostly happens afterwards, away from the client.
Ideally, you notice the discomfort, let it come to the surface for yourself, and comment on it internally. Then you take it to supervision or personal therapy and explore it there. Supervision is introduced at Level 3. The client's time stays the client's. Your reactions get their own space, separate from the person who stirred them.
Through training and personal therapy, many of your hurt parts get activated and worked through. The process is ongoing. Each time you notice a reaction and follow it up instead of brushing past it, you give it somewhere to go.
When discomfort tips into overwhelm
No single line separates useful discomfort from overwhelm, and no rule applies to everyone. The question worth asking is how far the activation interferes with your connection to the other person. Discomfort is information. Overwhelm starts when the activation stops you connecting with the individual in front of you, and you're unable to process it in the moment, or even acknowledge it to yourself.
When something overwhelms you, the useful question is what hasn't been attended to yet. Often the reaction points to a part of your personal history you haven't encountered or worked through in supervision or therapy. The training process hasn't caught it, and now it has come to the surface.
Your tolerance also shifts with ordinary conditions. A long day, poor health, tiredness or an upset in your personal life all reduce your capacity to stay with hard feelings. Looking after your wellbeing protects your ability to connect, and knowing the difference between self-care and avoidance matters here.
How your tutor fits in
Your tutor is an access point, not the place where your discomfort gets resolved. If something comes up for you in a conversation or during skills practice, have a quick one-to-one with your tutor at the end of the lesson. Your tutor will help you direct it to the right space, usually personal therapy, and signpost you there. The tutor's role is to point the way, not to pick up the work and carry it for you.
Readiness becomes a conversation when the reaction is extreme. If a student says they're unable to stay in the room, the experience is awful and it's all too much, the tutor will usually reach out first. Sometimes the honest conversation is whether now is the right time for this kind of course. We assess suitability at interview for this reason, as part of our counselling course entry requirements, and a strong reaction is usually visible in the room anyway.
What new students get wrong about discomfort
Most new students assume discomfort is a bad sign. Many are surprised it's part of the training at all. They arrive picturing counselling as nice and fluffy work: helping someone, supporting them through something hard.
Counselling is arduous. You sit with real discomfort, sometimes from what a client tells you, sometimes from a client breaking down in front of you. Discomfort is a regular part of the job, and the surprise comes from students expecting otherwise.
Discomfort is as valid as comfort. The urge to disengage makes sense, because discomfort is hard to sit with. Learning and understanding often sit inside it, though, so we bring it to the fore in training and support you through it.
If you're worried training will feel uncomfortable, take the worry seriously and reflect on it. Discomfort comes with the role. If you're unable to regulate through it reasonably well, you will struggle as a counsellor at this point in your life, and a later start might serve you better.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to feel uncomfortable on a counselling course?
Yes. Discomfort is a regular part of counselling training because it's a regular part of counselling. You'll meet it in group discussion, skills practice and your own reflection. Learning to stay with it is part of what the training builds.
What should I do if counselling training brings up difficult feelings?
Notice the feeling and stay curious about what it's telling you. If you need to, have a quick word with your tutor at the end of the lesson, and they will point you towards the right space. Most of the deeper work belongs in personal therapy or, from Level 3, supervision.
How do I know if I'm ready for counselling training?
Readiness depends on how well you regulate through discomfort, not on avoiding it. If the thought of uncomfortable conversations feels unbearable, reflect on whether now is the right time to start. Our interview process also helps assess suitability before you begin.
At The School of Counselling, we deliver CPCAB-accredited Level 2 and Level 3 counselling training online via Zoom, and a Level 4 Diploma in Therapeutic Counselling in person at monthly weekend intensives with monthly online lessons. Our courses are built around learning to stay with discomfort, both your own and your clients'. Find out more at schoolofcounselling.com.
